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Done Being Good | Sandi Konta

Musings about gender norms, hustle culture, perfectionism, boundaries, listening to your body, making space for joy, slowing down, and building a life from the inside out...for starters.

Woman in a dark dress sits by a chair.

What is burnout, anyway?

I've heard the word burnout so often, it's started to lose meaning. And yet, it feels like an important part of my story and the stories of the women I work with. So I set out to dig in. Here’s what I found, starting with my own story. My story Even though I didn't have the words for it then, I'm fairly sure I experienced burnout. Have I told you the story of when I lost a vocal cord? I was still in my people-pleasing era, chasing approval with unwavering commitment. If I were being graded, I...

I picked up my phone 103 times yesterday

The changing of the seasons is always a time of reflection for me. As the school year came to a close, I thought a lot about how I want this summer to feel. My intention: slow, spacious, connective, and restorative. I'm sure there will be many moments that don't feel like that, but having guideposts feels good. There's one big thing I need to shift before my slow, spacious, connective summer even has a chance. I'm on screens way too much. I've had this realization before, made changes, felt...

What does it mean to be human?

There are so many moments in my day when I feel disconnected from my human-ness — from my intuition, my body, and my connection to nature and community. Can you relate? When I think about easing that sense of disconnection, I keep coming back to one idea: becoming more human. But what does that actually mean? I spent some time exploring, and here's what I came up with (would love your thoughts): ✨ I am fully human right now. What I crave is being unburdened from the conditioning that has...

What If Human Design could help you feel more like YOU?

You’ve been everything for everyone. And now you’re wondering who you are when no one’s watching. Human Design can be a helpful roadmap—back to you. Learning that I'm a Projector (my Human Design energy type) gave my inner voice a microphone and the confidence to: Better honor my energy. Redefine what productivity means and work in bursts. Proactively schedule rest or quiet time. Be very discerning about which social events I attend. It was like a permission slip to be myself. Want to learn...

I made things too hard, again

For years, I've tried to grow seedlings. While there are many mental health benefits to putting my hands in dirt during the dark, cold winter months in Maine, my seedlings always ended up sad and small. This year was different. Meet my most successful seedling EVER. ⬇️ After years of buying the fancy equipment and doing my best to copy experts, I learned... sunshine works better than artificial sunshine. Full disclosure - I live in a south-facing house. Needless to say, all my seedlings have...

shame and perfectionism: not yours to keep

I am not enough. This is the all-too-familiar voice of shame. In response, we tell ourselves If only I: → slept less → got that fancy time management app → did more → worked faster → was better at [fill in the blank] I'd be enough. Then, we hold ourselves to unattainable expectations (hello, perfectionism! 👋) and end up back where we started, feeling like we're not enough. It looks something like this: If this is a familiar pattern for you, it's not your fault. You are responding normally to...

My middle space: from rebellion 🖕 to softness 🌼

I feel like I'm floating somewhere in space. An uncomfortable yet familiar middle. Maybe this is what they call liminal space? ChatGPT says: A liminal space refers to a place or a moment that exists between two different states — like a transition zone. The word "liminal" comes from the Latin limen, meaning "threshold."In human development, a liminal phase is a time when a person is no longer who they used to be, but not yet who they are becoming. It’s a kind of identity twilight zone. Yup....

what if grief is a gateway to freedom?

Reader, This week, I’m continuing to explore the human experiences that women are often discouraged from expressing fully. In past newsletters, I’ve written about rage and joy. Now, it’s time to explore grief. My hope is that once we (I'm right there with you) understand these human experiences more deeply, we can reclaim these lost parts of ourselves and live more fully and freely. Let me start by sharing a story. Several years ago, I woke up to the painful truth that I was making choices...

What if joy is your revolution?

Reader, In this newsletter series, I'm diving into emotions that our culture has tried to quiet in women. Join me in taking them back and letting them ROAR. Last week, we explored rage. This week, let's reclaim joy. When I was thinking about what to write to you, I remembered a conversation between Glennon Doyle and her sister, Amanda, about the Instagram post below that shows Glennon unapologetically living her best life — singing, dancing, and piloting her boat. No shrinking. No shame. Just...

Your rage is shining a light 💡

Reader, Our culture expects us to power through life on caffeine ☕️ and positive thoughts. "Good" women silence their feelings and put everyone else first. To cope, we become addicted to productivity, screens, food, and Netflix—anything to avoid feeling. When we suppress our emotions to avoid causing (or feeling) discomfort, we become complicit in our oppression. We’re telling ourselves that the box society places women in is fine with us, and we’re choosing to deny our most precious gift—our...

Musings about gender norms, hustle culture, perfectionism, boundaries, listening to your body, making space for joy, slowing down, and building a life from the inside out...for starters.