What is burnout, anyway?

Published 4 days ago • 4 min read

I've heard the word burnout so often, it's started to lose meaning.

And yet, it feels like an important part of my story and the stories of the women I work with.

So I set out to dig in. Here’s what I found, starting with my own story.

My story

Even though I didn't have the words for it then, I'm fairly sure I experienced burnout.

Have I told you the story of when I lost a vocal cord?

I was still in my people-pleasing era, chasing approval with unwavering commitment. If I were being graded, I would have received an A+ in overfunctioning. And, I would have treasured that A+. I was working full-time in a toxic environment, had two and three-year-old children, and a husband who was not yet pulling his weight at home.

The price I paid for abandoning myself was simmering rage, relentless exhaustion, a constant pit of anxiety in my stomach, and the fear that if I stopped, even for a second, it would all fall apart.

Then, my mother had a major health crisis. That's when my body decided it had had enough. I literally lost my voice. Read the full story here.

What is burnout, anyway?

In their bestselling book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, written for women like us, Emily and Amelia Nagoski define burnout as:

The feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you have to do while still worrying that you're not doing enough.

When originally defined in 1975 by Herbert Freudenberger, burnout was broken down into three parts:

Depersonalization - Loss of ability to feel compassion, empathy, or care
Decreased sense of accomplishment - A feeling that everything you do is meaningless
Emotional exhaustion - Depletion from constantly having to display compassion, empathy, and care

Emotional exhaustion is the most widespread manifestation of burnout, and the one that impacts women hardest.

Burnout is not a medical condition or an official diagnosis. You are still able to show up in your life but you're exhausted, you feel more like a machine than a human, and you vehemently wish for something different.

How do we keep burnout away?

We can step off the path toward burnout by allowing ourselves to go through what the Nagoski sisters call "the emotional tunnel." The emotional tunnel is the path your body takes to move through and complete the stress cycle - processing an emotion and then signaling to your nervous system that it's safe to come out the other side.

stressor → stress → stress response →

signaling to your body that you're safe

To break it down:

Stressor: This is what triggers stress, usually external (deadlines, a fight, etc.) but can be from negative self-talk
Stress: The neurological and physiological reaction your body has to the stressor.
Stress Response: Your body's automatic reaction to stress (freeze, fight, fawn, or flight)

We often don't take the extra step of signaling to our nervous system that the stress is gone. Instead, we push through or suppress the stressful emotion.

When we don't complete all parts of the stress cycle, emotions get stuck, and with prolonged stress, we eventually end up emotionally exhausted and in burnout.

Here's what to do:

Notice that you're experiencing stress. Name it.
Allow yourself to feel the emotion.
Signal to your body that you are safe by completing the stress cycle. Here are some ways to do that:
- Affection - Hold hands, cuddle with your dog, ask for a 20-second hug with someone you trust
- A full night's sleep
- Deep, slow breaths
- Positive social interactions
- Deep belly laughter
- A good cry
- A creative endeavor - Art, music, writing, etc.

This whole process can take as little as five minutes.

Bottom line, taking the time to let a difficult, stressful emotion work its way through and out of your body will deeply benefit you in the long run.

Already burned out?

Self-care is not the answer. Connecting with your people and getting support is.

The cure for burnout is simple, yet painfully difficult for many of us...it's asking for what you need. It's reaching out to the people you trust the most, and asking them to listen. It's letting balls drop and lowering your expectations. It's resting without guilt, or it might even be taking an extended break. Above all, it's honoring your humanity and the messages your body is sending you.

If burnout is part of your story, it's not your fault

We live in a culture that expects too much. Women are expected to ignore their needs and serve those around them, quietly and with a smile. We have been taught since childhood to ignore the signals our bodies are sending us.

It's no wonder we end up in burnout. But we can change that for ourselves and our daughters.

You get to be human. You get to ask for support, seek connection, and rest when you need it. You get to decide what truly matters to you and let the rest go. You get to blaze a path that honors who you are.

If you are ready for support, book a free connection call today. I'm here, and I've been there. We can take it one small, manageable step at a time.

Wishing you abundant space and time to be human,
Sandi

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